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September 12, 2014     Hidalgo County Herald
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HIDALGO COUNTY HERALD FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 12, 2014 7 Just A Thought Living the habits of healthy couples By RICK KRAFT Pablo Picasso said "Love is the greatest refreshment in life." I can't argue with him. I believe God created us to live life as couples. There is just something about hav- ing a companion by your side to experi- ence this journey called life. It can make all the difference in the quality of a life lived. Are you in a "couple" relation- ship? My guess is that a majority of you are. If you could have a better relationship with your spouse wouldn't you want to do so? Are you being the spouse you want your spouse to be? I read an article called "The 10 Habits of Happy Couples As Told by a Psychiatrist." The ar- ticle was by Dr. Mark Goulston, a psychiatrist, an international speaker, and a best selling author. He had ten habits that he sug- gested every couple follows. But before addressing his suggestions, I want to share with you a list of nine suggestions on "how to lose a woman." I read these some time ago and thought they were a good listing of the other side of the fence, what not to do. How to lose the woman you love for good: 1. Stop doing the little things like holding her hand and looking into her eyes. 2. Don't ask her questions to try to get to know her. 3. Don't listen to her when she talks to you or even better yet, interrupt when she's sharing her heart with corrections to her thinking and answers to her problems. 4. Don't allow her to feel safe and relax into your love. 5. Take everything as an attack on your character and meet your woman with defensiveness and anger. 6. Don't make her special or allow her to relax into knowing she's your woman. 7. Make sex be your all-end all-expression of love. 8. Stop joking and making her laugh• 9. Check out when you're with her by using your phone constantly. Rick Kraft We will call these nine ac- tions (or lack thereof) that can de- stroy an intimate relationship. I would like to focus today on what it takes to have a healthy relationship. So let me move back to the ten hab- its from Dr. Goulston. I will share each of his hab- its and then my thoughts on each one. Number one is "Go to bed at the same time." This may not be possible for all of you, but end 5 ing the day together is a great way to end a day. It is nice to have someone with you when you get to the finish line each night. Number two is "Cultivate common interests." For any two people to enjoy time with one an- other there must be something that draws them together. If you focus on your common interests, you will have a good experience together. If you focus on your dif- ferences, your life can be miser- able. Number three is "Walk hand in hand or side by side." If you treated every walk you took as if it might be your last walk to- gether, you might just see the world differently. If you were about to be separated for a long period of time, you would trea- sure more being close to the one you love. Number four is "Make trust and forgiveness your default mode." Much of life is lived in the gaps between what we know. We choose what we fill the gaps of the unknown with. If you as- sume the worst and are suspicious about every unknown gap, you will drive each other crazy. Trust and forgiveness filling the gaps can sustain a relationship. Number five is "Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong." Attitude is everything in every re- lationship. Do you celebrate what goes well or do you nit pick or highlight everything that goes wrong? You just chose what you focus on. Foster, adoptive parents needed in New Mexico Submitted by CYFD Becoming a foster or adop- tive parent can make a huge dif- ference in the life of a child. Please call Ronny Diaz, CYFD Foster & Adop- tive Parent Re- cruiter at (575) 434-5950 ext. 121 for more information or visit us on the web at www.cyfd.org. Se Habla Espanol Foster or Adopt a New Mexico Youth Name: Cherish Age: 8 Story: Cherish is a loving child who is engaging and out- going with her current foster fam- ily. She is intelligent and learns new concepts and activities quickly. This young lady does not give up easily and is deter- mined to succeed. Some of her Cherish favorite things are music, dance, drawing, coloring and reading books. Favorite snacks include ice cream and popcorn. Cherish prefers a calm, quiet environ- ment and tends to get along better with adults and children older than her- self. She will need a patient family who can be struc- tured and has good bound- aries. A two-parent family with Cherish as the youngest child would be best, however, all fam- ily types will be considered. Cherish also has an older sister that she wants to maintain con- tact with. For more information about foster or adoptive parenting through the New Mexico Chil- dren, Youth and Families Depart- ment, please call 1-800-432-2075 or visit www.cyfd.org Number six is "Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work." Getting back together should be a highlight of each other's day. If you do the re- lationship right, you should be best friends. As the day goes on you should miss being apart. You should wonder what he or she is up to. You should look forward to catching up on what your loved on has been doing. A hug shows you value your partner. Number seven is "Say 'I love you' and 'Have a good day' each morning?' The problem with long term relationships is often that two people take each other for granted. You skip over the basics because you have said them be- fore and you assume your spouse knows your heart. This is one area that assuming does not help the relationship be all that it can be. Number eight is "Say 'Good night' every night, regardless of how you feel?' We are back to fo- cusing on the big picture, not a short term conflict in the relation- ship. Big picture: you know that the two of you are committed to each other. Small picture: you know that the two of you have found an area that your disagree and have ended your day with- out resolving it. Ending the day with a blessing shows a mature relationship that can rise above the valleys. Number nine is "Do a 'weather' check during the day." A "weather check" can be done in less than a minute. A quick call or a short text tells your spouse he or she is valued. It lets your spouse know that you are think- ing of him or her even when your world is moving in an opposite direction. Number ten is "Be proud to be seen with your partner." Joy from your partner comes from joy from your partner. Some people seem to think that their world is shaped by what others think about them. If you truly love your spouse, you want to be seen with him or her because of what he or she does for you and with you, not to try to impress others. There you have it. Actions to avoid to prevent losing a spouse and actions to take to have a healthy relationship. It is that simple, that complex. My challenge to you today is to avoid the nine pitfalls and to work on the ten habits designed to get the best out of a relation- ship. Your quality of life as you walk this planet is counting on it. None of us are perfect, yet every one of us has the power to control ourselves• What I am say- ing is that we fail regularly, even with good intentions. But what is important at the end of the day is that we honor and respect the person God has put us together with. Make healthy habits a way of life and may you experience the blessing of a long and joyful journey married to your best friend. Just a thought... Rick Kraft is a motivational speaker, a published author, and an attorney. To submit comments, contributions, or ideas, e-mail to rkraft@kraftand hunter.com or write to P.O. Box 850, Roswell, New Mexico, 88202 - 0850. small step no.() FETCH THIS PAPER YOURSELF TAEE A SHALL STEP TO GET HEALTHY ,vw.srnallstp,2ov Hidalgo County HERALD 212 E, Motel Drive Suite B Lordsburg, NM 88045 $40 per year Name Address City, State, Zip Email subscriptions available for $25/year Historic Panoramic Photograph for sale Lordsburg 1916 49 ½ " x 8 ½" printed on foam core board--can be framed or displayed without a frame. Can be seen at the Hidalgo County Herald. $20 Call Edmund Saucedo at 575-542-9716 $201 A Picture From The Past By EDMUND SAUCEDO/Lordsburg Photo courtesy THE JOHN A. JOHNSON, JR. HISTORIC PHOTO COLLECTION A school play in the auditorium of Lordsburg's first high school (Enrichment Center), mid-1920s. One of the best features of the Enrichment Center is the large auditorium with stage and bal- cony. Now that demolition of the historic building is planned, spearheaded by School Superin- tendent Randy Piper and School Board President Mrs. Tina Hayes, Lordsburg's chances for a com- munity center with auditorium will go up in dust. The building should not be demolished regard- less of how the school board voted. The use of the high school's auditorium expanded from pro- grams provided solely to high school students to events spon- sored by the City of Lordsburg and attended by adults. In June 1940, it hosted the New Mexico Cattle Growers Association's an- nual convention; in October 1941, it was the location for the annual convention of the South- western New Mexico Educational Association. It became Lordsburg's primary venue for performances of traveling musi- cal groups. Its use by students also evolved• Previously primarily used as a study hall, starting in the fall of 1940 the auditorium became the location for weekly assemblies. Carried over from the opening exercises of the 19 th century high schools, assemblies experienced a renaissance in the 1920s as an expression of school unity and the "town meeting of the school." A teacher was appointed at Lordsburg's high school to direct the assembly programs. In re- sponse to the rising patriotism of the period, "God Bless America" became the program song for the assemblies• They included teacher-generated talks, such as a short presentation on the Bill of Rights, along with pantomimes • and plays put on by students. ; On other occasions, the school participated in a "national assembly," featuring a touring speaker or celebrity who would entertain and enlighten students for a small fee. In April 1942, car- toonist Robert Wood, famous then for his "Dramatic Adventures in Chalk," appeared in the audi- torium to sketch images of presi- dents and create age-enhanced portraits of a few "prominent Lordsburg boys," as he quoted , poetry and demonstrated lighting effects on his drawings. 2 " A restored building could provide the city and county with a community center for numerous events• A demolished building will provide the community with yet another vacant lot full of weeds and trash. The Notion of Landscape exhibit to be held at WNMU Sept. 11-Oct. 17 Courtesy submission Cambridge and New York. His Art and History, among others• The Francis McCray Gallery artwork has been extensively re- Cook is a respected educator and of Contemporary Art is pleased viewed and included in many lecturer and has held faculty po- to present a solo survey exhibi- publications, private collections sitions at University of Illinois, tion of paintings by Michael and the permanent collections of University of California, Berke- Cook from 1981 to 2009. Michael Cook's art making practice broadly explores the understanding of landscape and visual perception in a variety of media and from diverse perspec- tives. Throughout his work Michael Cook has conflated painting pictorial conventions and practice to question their dis- tance from authentic experience• This work and other projects have explored the definition of land- scape. Expanding the under- standing of " landscape" beyond the literal image of geography has been at the core of his concerns by employing a method of visual semiotics. As Kathleen Stewart Howe wrote in her essay on the exhibition Veneer, "What are the conditions under which objects become visible in culture? What is the personal and human sig- nificance of those visual mani- festations? These are questions Cook has pursued in his paint- ings since the bubble chamber paintings of the late 1970's." Michael Cook has had more than 20 individual exhibitions and his work has been included in numerous group shows in Al- buquerque, Santa Fe, Chicago, San Francisco, Los Angeles, The New Museum of Contempo- ley and San Francisco Art insti- " rary Art (New York), San Diego tute. Currently, Cook is a Profes- " Museum of Contemporary Art sor of Art at the University of New and The Albuquerque Museum of Mexico. f DPS releases 2014 Labor Day Weekend activity Information NM DPSISanta Fe Striving to constantly keep the motoring public and New Mexico citizens safe, New Mexico State Police Officers, New Mexico Motor Transporta- tion Officers, and Special Inves- tigations Division Agents were out in force this past Labor Day weekend throughout the state. The following is a breakdown of the enforcement activity. State Police activity: • DWI Arrests- 32 • Field Sobriety Checkpoints Conducted- 12 • Saturation Patrols Conducted- 57 • Non-injury Crashes Investi- gated- 36 • Injury Crashes Investigated- 17 • Fatal Crashes Investigated- 1 • Seatbelt Citations Issued- 340 • Cell phone use Citations Issued- 5  • Speeding Citations Issued- 1498 , Motor Transportation Police ac- " tivity: , • Injury Crashes Investigated- 4 " • Non-Injury Crashes Investi- - gated- 6 :o., • DWI Arrest- 1 • Cell phone use Citations Issued- : 1 • Commercial Motor Vehicle In- ;, spections Conducted- 280 7 • Commercial Motor Vehicles .,, placed Out Of Service- 38 , • Commercial Motor Vehicle Driv- " ers placed Out of Service- 18 • Speeding Citations Issued- 225 .if, • Seatbelt Citations Issued 16 Special Investigation activity: • Administrative Citations Issued (Sales to Intoxicated Person, Sales to a Minor)- 19  ,I • Non-Traffic Citations Issued , (Minor in Possession of Alcohol)-  18 '=